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Learning to ‘Master your Emotions’ is one personal goal every human should aim for!

Emotions have always played an imperative role in my personal as well as professional life. The thought of imagining  my life & my relationships without emotions is rather fearful for me, because then it would be a life without purpose, detached from all, concealing under a fake identity.

The human philosophy towards Emotions:

A common myth that prevails about Emotion is that:
- Emotions often pull a person down.
- Emotional people are looked down upon.
- Emotion is considered as a weakness rather than a strength.
- Nobody likes being with Emotional fools.

However, I feel that if we are humans we must have an element of ‘Emotion’ in us, because Emotionally well controlled people are always loved, respected, adored & approached more. It is rather difficult to be with & appreciate someone who is robotic, expressionless or emotionless towards things & situations. It is as good as being with the dead!.

Emotions must be  perceived well:

Flow of emotions according to the scientists, is considered healthy for the body, mind & soul. Especially when one knows how to master them. Emotions are said to be a reflection of our own beliefs & can be best described as our response to situations. So if we can master our beliefs, we will be able to master our Emotions.

Synopsis of the ‘Master Your Emotions’:

This presentation can be extremely meaningful for every individual who is ready to take the next step of improvement, in order to  come closer to mastering his/her Emotions. At the same time it can also be used as a base presentation for workshops related to Stress Management, Handling Emotions & How to be Emotionally Intelligent.

• Understand the concept of ‘Emotional Mastery.’
• Where do emotions erupt from & what are the various kinds of Emotions?
• the 4 step approach to be happy.
• Know your reaction towards stress.
• To be Emotionally Intelligent.

Life will always have more and better to offer those who invest cautiously in mastering their Emotions!

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The best way to imbibe ‘Business Etiquette’ is to believe in its power & the change it will bring in your life!

As far as my memory takes me back, I remember growing up in a culture full of ‘Etiquette’. By the time I was in my high school it had become my  second nature. As an Army Officer’s kid, I was not only told but was also asked to speak well, eat well and behave well in public as well as in private. So when I joined the business World, learning Business Etiquette was a runaway victory. As a trainer it was all the more easy for me to correlate with the subject & share it with my trainees.

The knowledge snippet on ‘Business Etiquette’ will give you a glimpse of Etiquette needed to survive in the business world. Etiquette can be simply defined as the ticket to acceptance amongst your peers, Seniors and Juniors. When you treat others with dignity and respect, they will treat you in the same fashion & this is good business sense.

This presentation has been created keeping in mind various aspects of Etiquette, like understanding the basics of Professional Etiquette, Correspondence Etiquette, Work Space Etiquette & I had a good time preparing this presentation.

Organizations Benefit from this Presentation:

Trainers can present this presentation to both new as well as old employees & it can work wonders with small, medium & big batches of audience size ranging from 20, 70 to 150 in number. Use the presentation:

• During Induction programs.
• To set the correct tone for Campus Joiners.
• To re-enforce good behavior among all employees.
• A quick knowledge nugget to bite into before a client visit to your Organization.
• An ending summary to a 2 day workshop on ‘Business Etiquette’.

Synopsis of the ‘Business Etiquette Presentation’:

• Etiquette is defined as the practices and norms prescribed by social convention or by authority.
• You only have ONE opportunity to make a good first impression.
• Right Appearance, correct behavior & good communication can take you places.
• Speak with a purpose & consider all meetings important.
• Write assertively, to the point and only to the required.
• Respect work space privacy.
• Be more ‘Emotionally Intelligent’ when exchanging Business Cards.
• No matter your job or your title, always hold yourself to a higher standard.

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The law of the nature says “Change!” and first human instinct says “What Change? I am fine.”

The human philosophy towards work:

As humans we all work very hard to reach specific mile-stones in our lives & without realizing much, we soon enter into our ‘comfort zones.’ A zone which is like the ‘best hide out’ we had when we were children.

Theories suggest that as individuals we love to follow routines as it does not require much of hard work. Once we have learnt the task, like machines we just repeat it over and over again. Hence, life becomes comfortable and we are at our best level of performance. At any point in time, if we are asked to leave our comfort zones, because things are changing, it is natural for us to dislike change & feel how unfair the whole situation is.

Change is perceived as an Evil:

Change is always seen as disorientation and increases anxiety levels in individuals. At times it is also perceived as a threat because we see our ‘perfectly created life’ slipping out of our hands. It has been scientifically proven that more than our heart, it is our mind that refuses to budge when we encounter Change. Where the heart ‘sinks’ in an unanticipated Changed situations the mind goes totally ‘numb or shuts down’ for some time.

Reasons for Change:

Someone once very correctly said that, the only 2 reasons when we will welcome Change, is either:
-    We are “too much in pain” & want to get rid of it.
-    Or we are “too much in pleasure” that we won’t mind it.

My reasons for designing this presentation:

5 years ago when I read the book ‘Who moved my cheese ?” the first time, I was thrilled to read how beautifully, simply & easily Spencer Johnson M.D. had understood the concept of Change and had made all his readers look at Change from raised a platform, like some one’s  story, yet so similar to correlate with.

It was then, when I decided that I must present this beautiful concept of “Coping with Unanticipated Change” to trainees who  undergo tremendous Change in their personal as well as professional lives. I highly recommend every individual to add this book in his personal collection & read it as often as possible, so that it ‘keeps your life within checks & balances.’

Organizations Benefit from this presentation:

Organizations must introduce the ‘Concept of Unanticipated Change’ to all their employees either as a

1. Preventive measure to restrict/promote certain behaviors patterns.
2. Or as a corrective measure to make them understand the rules of the game.

Run your employees through this presentation in all the below mentioned situations:

• Before appraisal time: This short presentation or a detailed ‘Change Management’ training must be given to the employees before the
  appraisal season,only to set the environment right.
• During Transition periods: When young college pass-outs’ enter into the Corporate jungle.
• During Induction programs: To set the right tone & atmosphere for new employees.
• While preparing employees for higher roles: Making employees look at things from higher or raised platforms.
• In cases the company is undergoing a major ‘Merger’ or ‘Acquisition’: This is a very sensitive situation as a lot changes in such circumstances.In order to team-up better with the new employees, all employees must understand the effect of Change they will undergo.

Synopsis of the ‘Coping with The Change Cycle’:

• Anticipate Change, as it will happen. If not today then tomorrow.
• Detach yourself from the situation & determine what impact (good/bad) it can have on your life.
• Don’t Flight or Fight, Look at Change positively as it can be a means to achieve your goals.
• Start working hard towards a new journey.
• Keep the ‘End’ in mind & then work towards it; this will motivate you to come closer to your dreams.
• Enjoy the Changed situations.
• But be better prepared for the upcoming ‘Unanticipated Change’.

Self-esteem means an overall evaluation of a person about himself. Self-esteem can be very closely related to one’s self-image. Feeling worthy about yourself, or having high self-esteem, is one of the most valuable asset that a person can have. Self-esteem is always developed over a period of time from childhood to adulthood. Acceptance from family, friends and your inner self develops it further.

The basic concept of self-esteem was very well introduced & positioned at number four by Maslow in his Hierarchy Theory. A high self-esteem would reflect a confident person, leading a good quality life and constantly moving towards his final potential level called “Self-Actualization”.It is an established fact that icons, hero’s and legends are people who have a very high self esteem and have reached the stage of self-actualization.

Core components of self-esteem:

1) Self – Image

Our self-esteem to a very large extent is guided & determined by the kind of feedback we receive from our environment. If we frequently receive  negative feedback, we will suffer from a low self-esteem. In order to develop a positive self-esteem it is imperative that we stay with people who think highly of us. Even when a negative feedback has to be trickled down, it should be done cautiously with out rupturing the self-image. Example: The sandwich approach(positive-negative-positive feedback) is one to begin with. This will have a significant affect on our self image.

2) Correct selection of the reference group

Consciously or unconsciously the human brain is tamed very well to be with people who give us feedback, more so with the one’s who give us positive feedback as compared to negative. Role models can also have a very big say in shaping our self-esteem. If my role model thinks high of me I would carry the same impression about my self and the other way round.  Our mind is constantly comparing us with people who are either better or worst than us, constantly redefining the self-esteem levels. Therefore, the selection of the correct reference group must be done very carefully.

3) Important source of feedback

Parents, relatives, partners, friends, teachers and bosses might not be our rôle models, but for sure act as a very important source of feedback . These are the people that we stay with most of the times and hence their judgment for us will have a very large impact on shaping our self-esteem.

Common behavior pattern for people suffering from low & high self -esteem:

1. Low Self-esteem

• People who suffer from low self-esteem will tend to avoid social gatherings.
• They will remain quiet in public conversations.
• Will have very little to contribute.
• Will have a less confident body language.
• Will carry a submissive behavior.
• Associate every success story in life to “Luck”.
• They internalize negative evaluations.

2. High self-esteem

• These people will speak fluently & confidently in public gatherings.
• Will make all possible effort to contribute in a conversation.
• Will have an air of assertion and positivity.
• Will happily accept their mistakes.
• Most of the times over rate them selves and their qualities.
• They are in full control of their lives.
• They internalize positive evaluations.

To conclude I would say that the building blocks of self-esteem starts very early in life. Thus, as matured adults lets take the ownership & responsibility to help people who suffer from low self esteem by showing them a direction for improvement and by being kind and gentle to children today, so that tomorrow they shape up to be better adults with a high self-esteem reaching the level of self-actualization.

One of the best ways of coping with stress is to understand and anticipate when will you be hit by stress and to do something to either avoid that stress, or at least minimize its impact. So you can either love it or hate it, but you cannot and must not  Ignore It.

Whenever you encounter stressful situations it will always throw upon different kinds of challenges, but if you can anticipate what your reaction to those situations will be then you will be able to Master Stress.

There are several techniques that can help you to cope with stress:

I) Be a good planner: There are three ways to plan for stress:

• Avoid—This can only work when you have control over the event. Try to avoid such situation to the fullest. For Example: Arguing with your boss over policies that he will never budge from.
• Alleviate— This would mean to spend least amount of time in that stressful situation. Get away from it as soon as possible.For example, if you have to sit through a 3-hour meeting, and you are only needed for 20 minutes update,Politely walk out of the meeting once your updates are over.
• Practice make a man perfect—This can come in two forms. You can either rehearse how you will behave in a given situation, or how will you overcome that stressful situation.For example, If you are conducting interviews for a lot of people then you must walk-in with a proper planning of first conducting group discussions and then a face to face interview for the selected candidates lot to avoid stress.

II) Underestimate the stressful situation:

Most of the times, you cause your own stress by exaggerating the impact of a stressful event. Sit down with a clear head in a calm and a quite place and answer yourself the impact of the event. See every situation in the light of these three categories:

• Event vs. Your Goal—Think carefully about the event, then try to put the event in the context of your goals.Finally compare, which is bigger the stressful event or the ultimate goal that you wish to achieve.
• Money—If there is money at stake, always remind yourself that you will have ample amount of opportunities to earn more. So let go !
• Growth at workplace— Train you mind that you will have better opportunities to impress your Sr. but what needs to be taken care of should be the corrective steps. If you will reduce the importance of the event then you will be able to think from a rationale perspective and thereby will take a better decision for your self. Also ask yourself will you really remember what happened a year from now? If not, why take the stress?

III) Reduce the risk of uncertainty:

An uncertain future will always give you stress.The best way to deal with stress is to be prepared for it in some form or the other. Do proper research, be prepared for the worst , so even if some thing bad happens you will be able to mentally cope with it. Predict as much as you can with proper fact and figures.

Finally I recommend that you must try to get to the root of the stress and how will fight back. If you are intelligent then you will anticipate your reactions and will always find yourself in a better situation.

In the past few months a lot happened around me and hence I was really motivated to write on this topic. I am not sure how many of my readers would be able to co-relate to this topic as for them life might be smooth.  But whenever they will undergo a major decision making process, I would want them to remember what I wrote on being supremely self competent.

Today I am going to talk about competency. I would like to define Competency as the “capability to decide and act for self as well as for other”. I will mostly focus on competency as a capability to decide and perform. Where deciding refers to an act, acting would refer a decision to undergo an action process.

Whenever you have to take a major decision in your life, go back to your 5 best friends:

• What will we do?
• When will I accomplish my goal?
• Where will I have to show my competency?
  
• How will I do it?
  
• Who will I have to speak and act for(myself or others)?
  

In order to be self confident, what you really need to do is ask your self  Are  you “Competent”?

Competency in this context will be understood as “As a behavior or set of behaviors that describes excellent performance  in a particular context”.

Have you ever been able to do justice to the following as per your grade/level in your workplace:

• Clarifying workplace standards and expectations.
• Aligning individuals, teams, and managers with the organization’s business strategies.
• Creating empowerment, accountability, and alignment of coach, team  member, and employer in performance development.
• Developing equitable, focused appraisal and compensation decisions.

Let us go a little further and and understand the Dynamics of Human Competency:

It is said that competency leads to progression at workplace :

• Creating a high performance culture through competency is all about good practices in managing people.
• There is no magic to it – but it is all about doing number of fundamental things consistently and to a high standard of excellence.
• Essentially, it is all about creating competency where all employees feel energized and motivated to give their best shot.
• In order to achieve competency consistently with a clear focus we need to work  with an open mind and be self motivated.
• Individual feel empowered and enabled to and there is a collective determination to remove barriers – improving motivation and performance.
• Employees are encouraged to play to their strengths and feel that the rewards and recognition which they receive fairly reflect the contribution that they make.
• Managers/Leaders inspire trust and confidence and create a motivational climate which encourages motivation strategies we can apply to our business.

If I look back to my journey in the corporate, I will call my self competent as I tried my best in doing all that is written above. Because I was always confident about my self and understood that competency is related to COURAGE.  I might sound rude, but the truth is that every one can not display courage. Their is big difference in being RIGHT and being POLITICALLY RIGHT. I was always guided by my Seniors to be politically correct, to speak on behalf of the management and not from the employees side, which I never believed in. And one fine day I did realize that I did not belong to that world and hence I opted out of it.

Yes! Competency requires Courage:

Is it possible to be ethical and keep your head in the sand, secluded from the temptations of evil? May be you have your answers…

Competency requires constant vigilance with your head up and your eyes wide open. Being ethical requires courage. Courage is often doing the right thing at a defining moment in your life. Sometimes that means doing what’s right and not what’s easy.

So what I have to say to all me readers is be courageous. Speak for self and for others. Lead people as every one might not have the courage to fight against evil or bad. Demonstrate courage under fire, only then will you be able to be supremely competent.

Today I am going to share a few personal views on Attitude. I can offer a number of ways by which you can get yourself  motivated to be better.

A few most important techniques are discussed below.

1. Set SMART goals.

I would request all my readers to answer the following questions as:

• Where will you plan live 7 years from now and will your life style be better than today or worst?
• Who will you work  for, yourself or for a company and how far will you be able to reach?
• Where will you plan to take your vacations?
• Will you be able to match all your plans with action or will their be a GAP and how wide will that be?

Once you have clearly answered yourself of what you want from your life, the next step would be to set measurable goals for yourself. I would define a goal as a specific end result you would want to achieve by a particular point in time. In-fact you will see for yourself that these goals will change your whole attitude towards life. Try to divide your goals into short term, mid term and long term goals for better tracking. Once you would have the end in mind which would be a dream that you are going to live, day-to-day frustrations won’t seem as important. Your behavior will begin to reflect in your actions and reinforce in the goals you have set for self.
When we are talking about goals they always have to based on the SMART principle:

1. S- Specific
2. M-Measurable
3. A-Achievable
4. R-Realistic
5. T-Time bound

Another golden rule for the betterment of life is that you must start working toward your goals immediately, even if you move inch by inch or should I say little it is fine. If you wait until you’re completely ready, you may never begin. For example, if you plan to shed a few kilos, just wake up in morning and go for a jog in your jeans. Do not wait for buying tracks for your self as it will delay the whole process and have an effect on your motivation level.

2.Focus on the brighter side of Life and your Job.

Another way to keep your attitude positive is to focus on the positive aspects of your life and work rather than on the aspects that need improvement. If you concentrate on what’s good about your work instead of dwelling on what isn’t, your behavior will reflect positivity. As a result of which your seniors around you will notice you more , who for sure will prefer you over others with a promotion when ever an opportunity strikes.

3. Stay away from people who have negative influence.

In almost every department or workplace, there is someone who finds fault with the existing company policies and procedures. This person is always unhappy, and often tries to change other staff members to the same way of thinking. Dealing with such people is very simple. Never be passive or aggressive with them. Keep your stance and behave assertively all the times. Maintain your own view point & try to get back to your focused goals. Chances are that you will never fall for his trap.

Remember, your attitude affects your behavior, which is why it’s important for you to develop and maintain a positive attitude. As you work to make your attitude consistently positive, you’ll find that your behavior will increasingly reflect your new approach to your work life and ultimately help make you more successful. This positive attitude will also throw light upon peers, friends and family members who stay close to you.

It is not uncommon in an organization for staff members to believe that customer service is only the job of those who deal directly with the external customers or clients . Another myth that floats is that one has to be in the  “Sales Wing” to contribute towards customer service.

At every level in the organization, you either directly or indirectly—affect the customer, his needs and wants. It is important that every employee or staff member must have a clear understanding of his role in providing excellent customer service. If you closely watch organizations that provide exceptional service, you’ll find that every single person in that workplace understands how they directly serve the customer and its overall impact on the organizations profit.

In case you are struggling hard to understand your value in the customer service zone, ask yourself a few important questions. They might give you a new outlook to the whole situation.

•    What value do I add to my company’s product and my department?
•    Do I have external or internal customers?
•    What happens if I miss a deadline? How big will be the impact?
•    If I don’t see the customers, do they see the results of my work?

The best way to serve is to develop and define a customer service philosophy. In this way you will be able to deal with all sorts of different situations. When I am talking about this personal philosophy, it will be a set of values and ethics that you believe in and your individual commitment to it no matter what the situation or the problem is.Develop a strong framework for yourself, by getting answers for the following. Once you have answers for the questions, write down your commitment to all the solutions.

•    Do I believe my customers have choices to quality?
•    What can I do to help them give what they pay for?
•    How can I find out what my customers really want?
•    How do I want my customers to think about me?
•    How can i contribute on ” customer loyalty”?
•    How can I motivate my customers to refer new customers to me?

A few recommended Habits by Trainism:

-    Deliver on time
-    Fulfill committed promises
-    Do not over-promise and under-deliver
-    Walk the extra mile for all the customers
-    Offer alternatives to the customers
-    Show empathy
-    Treat your customers as the most important part of your job

By developing your own customer service philosophy, you’ll find that you have a solid foundation for dealing with customer-related issues in all sort of situations. As you serve your internal and external customers, remember that creating an action plan for serving them will help you efficiently and effectively accomplish tasks and foster long term relationships.

IQ & EI are very triggering topics, aren’t they?

Which one do you think leads to a more successful life?
The choice could entirely depend on what worked best for you. But if you look at things from my perspective, you would agree that it is Emotional Intelligence that is linked to life’s success ladders.
To simplify both the terms, let’s define them:
Intelligent Quotient: IQ as per dictionary definition is defined as the individual’s mental and Intellectual ability. To be more precise it is a number used to express the apparent relative intelligence of a person that is the ratio multiplied by 100 of the mental age as reported on a standardized test.
It is important that every individual must have this ability as it is a pre-requisite for the success ladder. Studies also enforce that the IQ of a person remain the same throughout his life and statistics say that their contribution to success in life is only 20%.
Signs of good IQ:

• Individuals with high IQ will have good communication skills.
• Clear thinking, reasoning ability.
• They will be good with remembering and working with numbers.
• Good at framing a mental image.
• Sharp Memory and great grasping power.
• They are also very perceptive in nature and have an eye for detail.
• Their personality traits would include a confident body language and are very reactive in nature.
• Only comfortable in a homogeneous group.
• Like to be with like-minded people.

Emotional Intelligence: EI on the other hand would be directly related to the person’s attitude, behavior, mood swings, reaction under pressure and his/her motivational level. It will also include the person’s ability to deal with different situations and people. Every one that you work with, in an organization, might not have this ability. If an individual is emotionally intelligent, it will have a great impact on his/her social circle both personally and professionally. EI’s  contribution to life’s success is almost 80%.

Signs of good EI:

• People with good EI are in control of three things. One, is their own emotions and second would be the situation and lastly the ability to control the span of the other persons emotions.
• They are less reactive to others and situation.
• Clear thinking process.
• Calm, composed and posed in nature.
• Happy go luck kinds.
• Excellent ability to empathize.
• Direct but not at all critical.
• Good at rapport building.
• Comfortable even in a heterogeneous group.
• Can connect with all sorts of people.

My personal experience after working in a corporate for several years is that, despite the fact that appraisals are the most awaited by every employee in an organization, there is only a minority of population that prepares well for it. Most of the times employees give in their best  throughout the year. However, do not document  their success regularly.

It is only during the appraisal discussion when they realize its true importance. Every employee wants to feel that he/she has exceeded his/her KRA’s. However, the manager would most of times have a different say on it . This is when you really want to kill yourself for the poor preparation you have done.  Because it is an pure opportunity lose in terms of salary, your motivation dipping down, promotion and only leads to the road of dissatisfaction.

In case you want your performance appraisal to go as per your expectation, you must prepare thoroughly for it. The process of making it successful must start at the beginning of the year, when you set your goals and agree to the KRA’s (Key responsibility Areas). Employees must be as focused on the appraisal day, as they were when they had agreed to the KRA’s in the KRA setting discussion.
The most common trend observed is, that most of times the employees get so busy in delivery that they do not go back and visit their KRA’s. So i is like “Out of Site & Out of Mind”. It is only at the year end when the employees take a closer look into the KRA sheet and realize what have they missed. Remember, I am taking from real time experience.
Hence, one of the most important practices that every individual must follow is that they must regularly visit their KRA sheet. So if it is “Out of Ste, you must go Out of Mind”.

The best duration to visit the KRA’s  is

1. Once a month for: At-least 15 minutes.
2. One in a quarter: 30 minutes to 1 hour
3. Every six months: 2 hours

A few advantages for visiting your KRA’s :

• The employee would remain more focused throughout the year on his targeted goals.
• Employees would remain on track and not divert their energies on projects that will have either no or very little reference in the appraisal discussions.
• Individuals would be able to self measure their performance on a regular and a timely basis.
• It will be easy to track an unreachable goal or target and can be changed before the appraisal.
• Employee will be more confident during any meeting with his manager.
• Individuals shall have substantial proof of all positive, negative and neutral feedback received by customer.
• Team members and manager would look up to the employee as a positive motivator for the team.

A month before the appraisal, take time out to reflect on your performance goals and start documenting and collecting your achievements for the past year in terms of appreciation mails by the client, management and team mates. The Performance preparation sheet must have your periodic evaluation done by your customers, managers and peers.
Pre-requisites of the Preparation:

1. Evaluation of self: No one else but you yourself must know whether you are meeting, exceeding or missing your performance goals. But before you reach to that conclusion, you must know what each rating signifies and means. Prepare a PowerPoint presentation supported by an excel sheet checklist that covers in detail all your KRA’s and your achievements against them.
2. Customer Feedback: The winners of any appraisal are the one who is able to collect positive feedback from the customer or the client he/she works for. Collect all such feedback on a word document and take printouts and file them in your performance appraisal file.

Remember to also discuss your goals for the next year. This contribution from your end will add a streak of positivity in your appraisal and will simplify tasks for your manager and will give a certain path to your career, the way you want to shape it.